In the Hmong Cookbook Cooking from the Heart authors Sami Scripter and Sheng Vang share that in Hmong culture parents mostly let children eat whatever they want assuming that when they get older their taste buds will expand. It worked that way for me, and my sister but I have also seen enough obese children to question this course. I am not sure our children can survive until their tastes change. For me it was around 12 for my sister closer for 20 and as I think about it the change came when we started cooking for ourselves.

Anyway I rotate what stores I grocery shop at. I have 4 that I shop at regularly, each have something special I need. This week it was a local Asian store, what the kids call the “Crab store” for the boxes of live crabs and other fish they enjoy looking for whenever they go. For me it is the wide selection of fresh veggies. I didn’t buy anything too unusual this trip except for pea tip for a hot pot dish later this weekend. I also bought collards and squash.

One evening this week I was at a loss what to do for dinner, then I saw the collards. So I steamed the collards in a little seasoned water, and baked the squash and warmed up some black beans. I was in heaven. Everything tasted so good and fresh. I thought back to my pregnancy days counting protein and “green leafy vegetables” and “orange” vegetables. Yes I think I am finally there, I could do this now.

But my children not so much. I guess the course of action I have taken is make good fresh food available to them at all times and hope they eat it. Another course that works sometimes is putting out the veggies first when they are really hungry then after they have eaten for awhile bring out the meat. Two is really adament about having meat at every meal it if is not there he asks for it, “where’s the meat?” Honestly from a former vegetarian it really bothers me, why can’t he ask “where’s the veggies.”

One thing to consider is that appetite while a gift is an important step in gaining self control. I am far from an aesthetic. But I know for myself self control makes parenting so much easier and so much more successful. I have to strive for it moment by moment. If I can teach it to my children when they are young they will be a step ahead. So in my opinion food is much more then simply feeding the body it is helping you grow as a person if done properly. My family still has a lot of growing to do but sometimes they surprise me like in their love for grapefruit (without sugar), brown bread and fried eggplant (the long skinny purple kind we grew last year and now buy at the Asian store). If I hadn’t had this food available for them I would have never known they like it.

As much as I bemoan the meat eating for Proeun it is important they know how to eat Cambodian food which often means meat, including chicken feet and pig’s ears. He for the most part is happy with their diet.

So I would say to get your kids to eat veggies (or whatever you want them to eat) really examine what your family’s food values are. I am pretty sure you have some whether you know this or not. Then make the food you want them to eat available to them and model eating it. Not everyone likes the same thing. For example Two likes black beans and Avril white beans (great northern), Mavis pretty much eats whatever I give her. But above all don’t stress. Just make sure you are modeling what you believe. The night after the collard greens and squash we ate Kung Fu noodles. We can’t be perfect all the time.  

Need I say more. I suppose to some degree how successful you are at parenting or at least getting your children to sleep can be summed up in your emotional reaction to this word. Do you cringe or sigh in contentment. Lately it has been cringing all the way for me. With a 5, 3 and 1 year old I find getting them all to sleep at the same time is the hardest part of my day, yet if I don’t do that no one naps unless they fall asleep in exhaustion somewhere crazy. Once when Two was about a year and a half we were out in the woods digging and filling fence posts on a family members property. Two wanted to go with his dad and grandpa though we knew they would be gone a long time. He was getting more and more tired yet the job wasn’t done. Finally he laid down in the road (easement really), hardly used mind you and fell asleep. Did I mention it was a gravel road.

Anyway kids do crazy things when they are tired and while I can handle a certain amount of craziness I do try to minimize it as much as possible. Proeun thinks I am too strict with a schedule and sometimes I agree. The past couple of days I haven’t put the older ones down for nap strictly because I couldn’t handle the frustration. it was heavenly really. I take the youngest and go lie down and let the older ones do their thing knowing that at least I won’t have to fight with them at bed time either. The only problem is sometimes they fall asleep unexpectedly.
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By the way this ratty chair is the first thing I want to recover or at least make a slipcover for. Try telling the kids they can’t eat ice cream in their chair.

So what made me think I could handle putting the kids down for nap today? I don’t know–a momentary lapse of insanity or maybe just the desire to feel like I am at least trying to do right by my children and make sure all their needs are met, especially sleep. So here is how the cycle goes. Mavis is ready for nap first. She starts fussing and crying. I rush around trying to get the other ones ready with a crying baby on my hip. We finally get in bed and read a story while I start nursing Mavis to sleep. Two and Avrl begin fidgeting, making noise and bumping the baby. Mavis ends up waking up. Sometimes this happens before the other 2 have fallen asleep then I know it is no nap for the day and any plans that involve car trips need to be canceled.

For obvious reasons. Other times the older 2 have fallen asleep and I know I will have to try to figure out a way to put Mavis down again later.

With my personality I find disruptions in plans particularly difficult to deal with. So I was thinking about it and maybe the solution is more planning rather than less. In the past I have shut off the TV 2 hours before bed. This gives us plenty of time for a quick snack or drink, bath, and nice long story time with cuddling. Bedtime seems to go better when I am not rushed. Maybe a similar solution could be used for nap. Or maybe the kids are ready to leave nap behind, though I definitely am not.

But I have to look for the silver lining. While the older 2 napped I was able to cuddle with Mavis and just enjoy looking at her. Other times it’s Avril who is awake and gets some one on one time, or Two. In essence I have to learn not to take my plans so seriously. it the children fall asleep at inopportune moments at least I get some cute pictures.

Maybe you have been having a difficult week. It certainly has been hard at our house. For nearly a week we had sub-zero temps that kept us all indoors. When the weather finally warmed up last week we all got sick. It is so hard taking care of others when you are sick! To make matters worse I was beating myself up over my parenting–I wasn’t being patient enough, we weren’t doing enough art/creative projects, we were watching way way too much TV again. The list could go on. That is when I got the most recent issue of the MACHE (Minnesota Association of Christian Home Educators) newsletter. Here is the quote that changed my perspective and gave me joy.

“It is not my job to change my children. It is my job to disciple them by example. I needed to model a Christ-like attitude, and I often failed miserably. But my children needed to see a woman who could admit her failings, humble herslef to ask forgiveness, and do her best to honor her Lord and her family in the future. I needed to stay on my knees and in the Word of God.  I prayed for my children as Jesus did for his disciples in John 17.

“When my daughters are 25, nobody will remember their SAT scores, GPAs, or degrees (if they have them). But people will know their character–whether my girls are dependable, compassionate, honest, diligent, trustworthy and cheerful. My daughters learned those things not because their parents nagged them to change, but because their parents endeavor to exemplify those Christ-like characteristics, and in their human failings, repented and tried again to live what they taught.”

This is from a longer article by Vicki Bentley entitled, “Twenty Three Years & Seventeen Kids Ago.” She also has a website at www.everydayhomemaking.com.