CHAT (Center for Hmong Art and Talent), a local non-profit has one of the best names for an after school program I have ever heard–“Art Saves Us.” I love this name, it feels good just to say it and it smacks of truth. Young people can participate in any number of specified programs ranging from break dancing and rap to writing. During the course they will create their own masterpiece to perform at the end of class.

As adults art still saves us, but I believe it comes in different forms. I am no longer considered youth, some may still consider me young adult but I am steadily moving out of that category as well. Last night I went to my brother-in-laws surprise 30th birthday party. Next year it will be my turn. My sister-in-law who is the same age says that she is just worrying about 29 and isn’t ready for 30 but I am there. I told my mom, “I already accomplished what I wanted to in life so bring on 30.” My mom acted surprised and said, “You already accomplished what you wanted to?” I said, “Well yeah–I’m a mom.”

It may sound simplistic but while I have gone off on occasional tangents this has been my goal. How lucky I am to find my soul mate whose life goal was to be dad. Of course we would love a farm, we would love to continue working to change the world through the local good supply, I would love to write a book, but when all is said and done the children are what saved me. They saved me from myself, from perpetually (and futilly) looking for the next thing that would bring me happiness, whether it was the next purchase or project or honor. I have discovered the more you seek to make yourself happy the more you need to be happy. Simple things are harder to find pleasing.

There is an art of raising children, the art of giving fully of yourself. If you can embrace that everything else in life will have a simple, unsurpassed beauty. Of course there are other ways to learn to give fully of yourself, but few rival the demands of child rearing. I have my soul mate by my side, we have a challenging and fulfilling career together raising 3 (soon to be 4 children) and for me nothing else really matters. Bring on 30!

“Like plants if we are not growing we are dying.” Ellen G. White paraphrased

Since first reading this it has become my motto. I try to remember it when new and challenging circumstances are presented to me. My not so new but challenging circumstance this week is a teething baby while in the midst of multiple development stages including but not limited to learning to talk and walk. My youngest darling has been clinging to me to such a degree that the only way I am making it through the day is getting out the old baby carriers which hadn’t been used much since she reached her independent stage.

Nights have been really difficult. Add to that a crazy schedule with 1 conference and 1 fair this week and 2 stories for the newspaper I write for a deadline for the next paper and you get the picture.

Oh then there is grocery shopping and keeping the house in order. Last night about 7:00 I was finally ready to crash. All I wanted was to veg out in front of the TV. But then I had a gentle prodding, this is the time I set aside to turn off the TV and spend the evening with the children winding down. It was the last thing I wanted to do. But if I am going to make raising children my priority then it needs to be just that even if it is not convenient.

So off went the TV. We had dinner and a bath, then what to do in the last hour before I had to pick up Proeun? A game? Yes that’s it. I am not so good at this area but I remember “hot potato” and figured it was one we could all play. Then Two wanted to play bowling, but what to use for pins. Then I remembered plastic cups we had downstaitrs and we bowled. Then the cups became soldiers in a line and something to balance on your head.

Or not.

Mavis’s favorite was stacking the cups up, not a popular activity with her brother and sister but what can you do?

Then Two said we need a needle and string. It was great to see him coming up with ideas but we were out of time unfortunately.

In the end it was a wonderful evening and totally worth it getting out of my comfort zone and stretching myself a bit.

Mavis is now up to 8 teeth and walking around the house like a champ. Her personality is really coming out now to. It is amazing to see the way she interacts with her siblings. But all these developmental milestones don’t come without the price of sleepless nights.

I have been meaning to make an effort to get to bed early. I have read in several sources that a good morning starts with a good night the night before and that you really need to go to bed early enough to wake up when you want to to accomplish you tasks. I wasn’t doing that. I was blaming staying up late on the children not sleeping early and Proeun geting home late and anything but me.

Yesterday at nap time I was exhausted. I had had another late night, slept in in the morning and scrambled to get my morning tasks down. Lunch was late we were rushing and yelling at the children to get ready trying to take Proeun to work on time and then it was nap time, finally some relief. Only the children weren’t ready and I lost it. Yes an adult sized temper tantrum complete with yelling and stomping around the house and pouting.

Then I decided this couldn’t go on. Proeun’s schedule is what it is. He may be a night person but I am not and I cannot be the mom I want to be without sleep. So I decided we needed to be proactive. Here and the steps I decided on.

1. Turn off the TV no later then 7:00. Have dinner with the children. Then bath and story BEFORE picking up Proeun around 9:00.
2. When Proeun gets home have some concentrated family time for 15-30 minutes.
3. Children to bed by 9:30.
4. An hour of wind down time with Proeun and bed for me no later then 11:00.

Last night we tried it. I explained to the children why we were changing things up and asked for their help. They did wonderfully and were very cooperative. Proeun was supportive and agreed to no TV while we were having our wind down time. And I was in bed by 11:00. I was still up a lot last night but I actually felt rested this morning when we woke up. We had family worship and went over the schedule for the day before the TV came on. I hope this success continues but for now I am encouraged.

In the Hmong Cookbook Cooking from the Heart authors Sami Scripter and Sheng Vang share that in Hmong culture parents mostly let children eat whatever they want assuming that when they get older their taste buds will expand. It worked that way for me, and my sister but I have also seen enough obese children to question this course. I am not sure our children can survive until their tastes change. For me it was around 12 for my sister closer for 20 and as I think about it the change came when we started cooking for ourselves.

Anyway I rotate what stores I grocery shop at. I have 4 that I shop at regularly, each have something special I need. This week it was a local Asian store, what the kids call the “Crab store” for the boxes of live crabs and other fish they enjoy looking for whenever they go. For me it is the wide selection of fresh veggies. I didn’t buy anything too unusual this trip except for pea tip for a hot pot dish later this weekend. I also bought collards and squash.

One evening this week I was at a loss what to do for dinner, then I saw the collards. So I steamed the collards in a little seasoned water, and baked the squash and warmed up some black beans. I was in heaven. Everything tasted so good and fresh. I thought back to my pregnancy days counting protein and “green leafy vegetables” and “orange” vegetables. Yes I think I am finally there, I could do this now.

But my children not so much. I guess the course of action I have taken is make good fresh food available to them at all times and hope they eat it. Another course that works sometimes is putting out the veggies first when they are really hungry then after they have eaten for awhile bring out the meat. Two is really adament about having meat at every meal it if is not there he asks for it, “where’s the meat?” Honestly from a former vegetarian it really bothers me, why can’t he ask “where’s the veggies.”

One thing to consider is that appetite while a gift is an important step in gaining self control. I am far from an aesthetic. But I know for myself self control makes parenting so much easier and so much more successful. I have to strive for it moment by moment. If I can teach it to my children when they are young they will be a step ahead. So in my opinion food is much more then simply feeding the body it is helping you grow as a person if done properly. My family still has a lot of growing to do but sometimes they surprise me like in their love for grapefruit (without sugar), brown bread and fried eggplant (the long skinny purple kind we grew last year and now buy at the Asian store). If I hadn’t had this food available for them I would have never known they like it.

As much as I bemoan the meat eating for Proeun it is important they know how to eat Cambodian food which often means meat, including chicken feet and pig’s ears. He for the most part is happy with their diet.

So I would say to get your kids to eat veggies (or whatever you want them to eat) really examine what your family’s food values are. I am pretty sure you have some whether you know this or not. Then make the food you want them to eat available to them and model eating it. Not everyone likes the same thing. For example Two likes black beans and Avril white beans (great northern), Mavis pretty much eats whatever I give her. But above all don’t stress. Just make sure you are modeling what you believe. The night after the collard greens and squash we ate Kung Fu noodles. We can’t be perfect all the time.  

Need I say more. I suppose to some degree how successful you are at parenting or at least getting your children to sleep can be summed up in your emotional reaction to this word. Do you cringe or sigh in contentment. Lately it has been cringing all the way for me. With a 5, 3 and 1 year old I find getting them all to sleep at the same time is the hardest part of my day, yet if I don’t do that no one naps unless they fall asleep in exhaustion somewhere crazy. Once when Two was about a year and a half we were out in the woods digging and filling fence posts on a family members property. Two wanted to go with his dad and grandpa though we knew they would be gone a long time. He was getting more and more tired yet the job wasn’t done. Finally he laid down in the road (easement really), hardly used mind you and fell asleep. Did I mention it was a gravel road.

Anyway kids do crazy things when they are tired and while I can handle a certain amount of craziness I do try to minimize it as much as possible. Proeun thinks I am too strict with a schedule and sometimes I agree. The past couple of days I haven’t put the older ones down for nap strictly because I couldn’t handle the frustration. it was heavenly really. I take the youngest and go lie down and let the older ones do their thing knowing that at least I won’t have to fight with them at bed time either. The only problem is sometimes they fall asleep unexpectedly.
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By the way this ratty chair is the first thing I want to recover or at least make a slipcover for. Try telling the kids they can’t eat ice cream in their chair.

So what made me think I could handle putting the kids down for nap today? I don’t know–a momentary lapse of insanity or maybe just the desire to feel like I am at least trying to do right by my children and make sure all their needs are met, especially sleep. So here is how the cycle goes. Mavis is ready for nap first. She starts fussing and crying. I rush around trying to get the other ones ready with a crying baby on my hip. We finally get in bed and read a story while I start nursing Mavis to sleep. Two and Avrl begin fidgeting, making noise and bumping the baby. Mavis ends up waking up. Sometimes this happens before the other 2 have fallen asleep then I know it is no nap for the day and any plans that involve car trips need to be canceled.

For obvious reasons. Other times the older 2 have fallen asleep and I know I will have to try to figure out a way to put Mavis down again later.

With my personality I find disruptions in plans particularly difficult to deal with. So I was thinking about it and maybe the solution is more planning rather than less. In the past I have shut off the TV 2 hours before bed. This gives us plenty of time for a quick snack or drink, bath, and nice long story time with cuddling. Bedtime seems to go better when I am not rushed. Maybe a similar solution could be used for nap. Or maybe the kids are ready to leave nap behind, though I definitely am not.

But I have to look for the silver lining. While the older 2 napped I was able to cuddle with Mavis and just enjoy looking at her. Other times it’s Avril who is awake and gets some one on one time, or Two. In essence I have to learn not to take my plans so seriously. it the children fall asleep at inopportune moments at least I get some cute pictures.

Maybe you have been having a difficult week. It certainly has been hard at our house. For nearly a week we had sub-zero temps that kept us all indoors. When the weather finally warmed up last week we all got sick. It is so hard taking care of others when you are sick! To make matters worse I was beating myself up over my parenting–I wasn’t being patient enough, we weren’t doing enough art/creative projects, we were watching way way too much TV again. The list could go on. That is when I got the most recent issue of the MACHE (Minnesota Association of Christian Home Educators) newsletter. Here is the quote that changed my perspective and gave me joy.

“It is not my job to change my children. It is my job to disciple them by example. I needed to model a Christ-like attitude, and I often failed miserably. But my children needed to see a woman who could admit her failings, humble herslef to ask forgiveness, and do her best to honor her Lord and her family in the future. I needed to stay on my knees and in the Word of God.  I prayed for my children as Jesus did for his disciples in John 17.

“When my daughters are 25, nobody will remember their SAT scores, GPAs, or degrees (if they have them). But people will know their character–whether my girls are dependable, compassionate, honest, diligent, trustworthy and cheerful. My daughters learned those things not because their parents nagged them to change, but because their parents endeavor to exemplify those Christ-like characteristics, and in their human failings, repented and tried again to live what they taught.”

This is from a longer article by Vicki Bentley entitled, “Twenty Three Years & Seventeen Kids Ago.” She also has a website at www.everydayhomemaking.com.

It all started shortly afer Proeun and I married a little over 6 years ago. We were at his insurance agent’s office making the necessary changes. It was taking awhile so I decided I would walk down a few doors to an interesting looking shop I saw on the way in, Peapods. As soon as I walked in I was amazed at the array of natural toys, baby care items, and wonder of wonders cloth diaper. My mother had used these on me, as had my grandmother. Though I hadn’t started thinking about babies yet it just made sense to me. My sister-in-law was pregnant with her 3rd so I bought a dozen prefolds and cover for her. She never used them, but a few months later I was pregnancy with my first and knew I would.

Peapods became a frequent stop for me as I stocked up. I was so excited to find there was still a demand for cloth diapers and they had actually improved over the years. I asked the store clerk if there were any parenting groups he knew of and he referred me to Attachment Parenting. Through them I learned about the family bed and “babywearing.”

When my first was born I had a couple baby carriers ala Target with snaps and clasps and all sorts of impractical things. Soon I experimented with soft carriers. I now have a Kangaroo Korner fleece sling which is my favorite for when baby is young and ease getting even older children in and out but for comfort it is my mei tai all the way. Of course I have to wait awhile to put baby on my back, but when I do it really frees up my hands.

When my 2nd was born a carrier was essential to keep up with a busy 2 year old. Now I am carrying my 3rd. I absolutely love wearing my babies. I even have an evening wear carrier. But winter does present some interesting problems–mostly how you both stay warm. My husband bought me an oversized coat but that means I have to carry the baby on the front. That is when I found this pattern

This is from Little Turtle Knits (I also use and love their diaper cover pattern, particularly the hybrid wrap). It’s relatively easy to make and can be customized to your measurements and yarn choices. With the almost spring thaw type weather we are having it is time to get out and about again after a week of sub zero temps. Today we went around our neighborhood passing out flyers for our CSA. Just have to make sure I don’t slip!

Parenting stretches us in ways we thougt unimaginable mentally, physically, emotional, spiritually the list goes on an on. For me one way that I wasn’t really expecting to be stretched was creatively. Tonight something sparked an interest in ninjas. Well we actually have a prepetual interest in ninjas, and knights and soldiers or warriors of any kind. Two decided he wanted to be a ninja. But how?

I remembered the playsilks I had made when Two was younger. I had read somewhere that these were good toys for kids but other then the occasional cape or ghost costume I honestly wasn’t sure what to do with them. Then I had an idea. Here’s the costumes I came up with.

Even Mavis wanted to get into the act with her own sword and cape. For a solid 15 minutes I was living in fear of those wooden swords. Luckily their attention span didn’t last long.

As a parent I think one of the hardest things is when your child tells you they hate you. Especially when they do it over and over again. My children have been able in most instances to tell me when something is wrong and they are not feeling happy. For Avril though that usually comes out as “I hate you.” She is my middle child and balance is always a problem with 3 young children. Mavis the baby of the family is teething and learning to walk. She has been very demanding on my time, especially at night, leaving me exhausted.

Yesterday started out innocent enough but after nap things started to go down hill. We had had a particularly strong battle at nap time but I didn’t really think anything of it because we normally have battles at this time. Two wanted to visit his cousins so we prepared to go, that is when Avril said, “I want to live with Oom (Cambodian for Aunt) Luoth, I love her. I hate you.” It continued all evening, even at Luoth’s. For awhile I was able to keep positive and remind myself,

1. I am an adult and she is 3
2. She is not responsible for my feelings
3. I don’t have to listen to my feelings
4. She didn’t mean it
5. She was probably feeling bad about something that I needed to address
6. I am her mother and I should help her out of these negative feelings

But I was battling my own negative feelings. When we left Luoth’s I wanted to go home, put a movie on for the kids and go curl up in a ball and cry. Instead I talked with her and I said
“Why do you hate me?”
“I hate my family.”
“Why do you hate your family?”
“Because they hate me.”
At this point I said a quick prayer and said, “That is a lie Satan wants you to believe. Your family loves you and you know it. You don’t have to listen to Satan. Let’s pray and ask Jesus to help you.”

I said a prayer outloud for her and another quiet one for me so that I to could chose not to listen to Satan and my negative feelings. When we got home I was still feeling bad, but then I remembered how powerful hugs are. Even though I didn’t feel like it, I walked into the living room and asked Avril for a hug.
“I love you .”
“Why?”
“Because you smile and laugh and are a good big sister and a wonderful helper for me and you are mine.”

This time she chose to believe the truth. She said, “I love you” and has since acted like nothing happened. I was still exhausted so I made a batch of cookies and ate half of them. Cookies always help.

Now that the holidays are over and the New Year is upon us it is the traditonal time to reflect–the whole New Year’s resolution thing. Honestly I have never made a New Year’s Resolution and I will not this year. Instead I am culling. Every couple of months I need to do this in order to keep my sanity. We have 3 children, 2 cats and a dog in a 2 bedroom 900 square foot house. I love the closeness of our quarters, but it does take some organizing and there are times when it seems like someone is always underfoot–normally the dog.

The hard part is organizing on a budget. When you have all these bits and pieces lying around and no money to buy containers or shelves or such it can be rather frustrating. But it is also motivating. I realize that I just need to just get rid of the things we are not using. I told my mom that I am preparing bag for the epilepsy foundation and she said, “You’re not giving away clothes!” Sounds like my husband. But the fact of the matter is there are clothes that Avril has never worn that have been passed down to Mavis and she also has never worn them. I firmly believe most children only need about 3-4 pair of everyday pants, 5-6 shirts (either short of long sleeved depending on the season). In other words about 4-6 outfits. In my case anything more then that tends to get pushed to the back of the drawer or closet.

With my time to it is also time to cull. One thing I am trying to focus on is my time matching my prioritites. My number one priority is raising my family and staying connected to my husband. Everything else either helps me in my goals or hinders it. Some things are necessary even if they hinder. For example my work as a free lance writer can take time away from my children, but without that income I would have to look for part time work outside of the house which would take away even more time.

Farming is another example. It can take away time from our family, but we do it together. It is great to get out there with the kids working the fields and planning for a farm. Lately the children have been choosing to give up things like candy and other treats to save for the farm.

Before the holidays I was really busy with writing and getting ready for the holidays. It is all too easy to check out on the kids and leave the TV to babysit. Now I must reprioritize yet again. Last night I was doing a lot of soul searching. Here are the steps I came up with.

1. Limit work and try to confine it to a specific time of day, try not to let it spill over into an all day thing. This includes checking e-mails and making and returning phone calls.
2. Try to include the children in my work whenever possible. Today my household work includes making bread, sweeping the floors, laundry and sorting clothes. Note to self–children are not good and sorting things to get rid of, they will want to keep everything!
3. Schedule time for fun with the children. Make sure to plan time for stories, playing games, going outside, making cookies and just being together.

So my 1# goal today is to reconnect with the children and include them in my life on multiple levels–in short, to make my time match my priorites.