What I learned from wolves

The last 2 days we have had playdates. Both families have 6 children. One mother and I were chatting about the reactions she gets when she goes out in public. With our 4th baby now on the way I wasn’t really sure what to expect. She said, “oh you will get negative comments, but also positive.”

I shared with her about a recent nature documentary I had seen on PBS. It was the story of wolves in Yellowstone. Particularly two packs. Each pack had their own territory: until Pack 2 forcibly drove out Pack 1. Pack 1 moved to the far reaches of Yellowstone where food was harder to come by, however it ended up being a blessing for them. Pack 2 had problems in the new territory now forced to maintain control over twice the area.

To make matters worse their pups started dying do to an unknown virus. Of the 15 pups born that year only 3 survived. The 2nd year the problems continued. A third pack entered the picture. They killed one of Pack 2’s males and another disappeared. Then one day when Pack 2 was out hunting Pack 3 camped themselves outside of Pack 2’s den. Pack 2 made no effort to try to reclaim the den and all the pups in the den died. No pups at all the 2nd year. The documentary went on to say that without pups to unit the group they floundered and lost focus. They became weak.

Pack 1 was sheltered from the virus in their remote location. And while in exile 15 pups were born to just 2 females. The pack nurtured these pups, spending all their energy on them. The next year when the pups were grown they were a large and thriving pack and were able to take back their original territory from Pack 2 who was now fragmented and weak.

I read a great a quote in Parenting Your Child by the Spirit, By Sally Hohnberger, “Parenting is truly giving ourselves to our children, as completely as the wheat plant gives its life for the next generation. Parenting must consume our best time and energies.” I would go so far as to say without the next generation we like the wolf pack are a lost, fragmented and weak people.

Mother by Kathleen Norris

I love history! As I entered college that was my declared major until I discovered a secondary interest in English. At which point I decided that history would always be a part of my life and to instead hone my craft as a writer. One of my favorite venues to study history is popular stories written during that time period. Historical fiction is nice too but it often has difficulty really capturing the breadth of the philosophies encompassed in a time of the  past.

For my Christmas reading list last year I requested Mother by Kathleen Norris. The book was originally published in 1911 and reprinted in 2002 by Vision Forum (see their catalog in the side bar).

It is the story of Margaret Paget, a young woman from a large family. She is the oldest girl with one surviving older brother. A second brother had passed away before the story begans. There are 5 younger siblings. She works as a school teacher, helping to support her family. When an unusual turn of events gives her the opportunity to move to New York City as the personal assistant of Mrs. Carr-Boldt.

The story says of her mother–Mrs. Paget

        She had married, at twenty, the man she loved, and had found him better than her dreams in many ways–‘the best man in the world.’ For more than twenty years he had been satisfied to work diligently behind a desk and to carry home his salary envelope twice a monthh. Daddy was steady, a hard worker and so gentle with the children. He delighted in Mrs. Paget’s simple, hearty meals and praised her in his own quiet way. ‘God bless him,’ Mrs. Paget would pray, looking from her kitchen window to the garden where he trained the pea vines, with the children’s yellow heads bobbing about him.

    She welcomed the fast-coming babies as gifts from God, marveled over their tiny perfectness, dreamed over the soft relaxed little forms with a heart almost too full for prayer. She was in a word, old-fashioned, hopelessly out of the modern current of thoughts and events. She secrealy regarded her children as marvelou treasures, even while she laughed down their youthful conceit and punished their naughtiness.

Margaret was not interested in following their path, instead she wanted to get out and experience life. And she did through traveling and working with Mrs. Carr-Boldt. She saw the distance between Mrs. Carr-Boldt and her daughters who spent little time together. She saw the empty relationships. The empty lives and mental illness.
 
At one point she wished her parents had had fewer children so that they could afford more nice things. Even at that time in history 2 children appear to be some hidden ideal of the wealthy for that is exactly what she wished for, just 2 children. Thinking it would include her. Then she remembered that she was the 3rd child and would not have existed if her parents had followed her ideal course.

Over the course of the book she sees the emptiness of the life she had idealized and the beauty of the one she had nearly turned her back on and she finds her way back to her mother.

It is an old fashioned book, unapologetically. And I am an old fashioned girl unapologetically. I highly recommend it.

A New Addition

While at the Farming Conference on Friday Avril leaned up against me and then said, “I don’t want to crush the baby.”

“What baby?” I said.

“The baby in your tummy.”

“What do you mean the baby in my tummy.” At this point I was having symptoms but an early pregnancy test came back negative so I fully expected to receive confirmation that I was not pregnant any day.

“I know you’re pregnant” she said with her confident side look.

I wasn’t so sure. After our 3rd child which was an unexpected surprise our whole philosophy of family planning changed. After seeing the amazing little being that we would have missed out on if we had our way we decided that there may be more children that are supposed to come into this world through us. We decided to allow the Lord to bless us as He will.

So while it was certainly possible we were pregnant and we would like to be pregnant I didn’t think I was. But on Sunday we decided to take one more test (our 3rd) and it came back positive. Avril was right! She is now predicting that it is a boy and Two is really hoping she is right.

My husband’s brother and his wife are also expecting a new addition. This one is particularly exciting for the family because due to medical problems after their 2nd child she was advised not to have any more children. They took precautions which they reversed last October, without telling any of us in case it didn’t work. They are now overjoyed to have this opportunity again. And the cousins will be very close in age. She is 8 weeks and I am 5 weeks.

When we found out about the new cousin Two joyfully told his dad, “I have a new friend–Romeo’s little brother or sister. That’s great news!” When he found out he was going to have a new addition to his own family he told his grandpa, “My little brother is coming.” Apparently he is not leaving room for the possibiltiy of another sister.

By the end of this year my in-laws will have a grand total of 11 grandchildren. Luckily our addition  will come after the growing season. We couldn’t have planned it better.

5th Immigrant and Minority Farmers Conference

Another part of our really busy weekend was attending the 5th Immigrant and Minority Farmers Conference in our hometown of St. Paul, MN. We attended for the first time last year and knew that this would be on our yearly to do list. We both attended Friday and Proeun on Saturday. The event was hosted by many non-profits including the Minnesota Food Association.

Sometimes when you are out there trying to make a way for yourself in the world that is not popular and sometimes misunderstood surrounding yourself with people on a similar path is invaluable.

While I am not an immigrant I am married to one–a refugee actually. There is a big difference. My children are the first generation born here on one side of the family. While the people attending the conference came from all over including Nepal, Mexico, Burma, Laos and Cambodia they were all joined by a connection to the land and a desire to work it. A passion many Americans do not share. We are eagerly awaiting next year.

A group of Karen (ethnic group from Burma) farmers.

Half Shares Now Available

At the Smarter Living Fair we realized that we were neglecting a large group of people who are passionate about health and eating organically–small households. While a full share is perfect for our family many may find that much produce overwhelming. If you are in this boat we have decided to offer half shares.

A half share will consist of full boxes delivered every other week (9-10) weeks for the season.

The price is $295.

Smarter Living Fair

Today was the Smarter Living Fair in Roseville. A friend of mine described it as this really cool, small town, festival feel. When you live in a city finding this kind of laid back feel so close to home is a welcome relief. Mavis and I spent the majority of the day there at our very own booth representing the Crazy Boy Farm Family. Thanks to all of those who stopped by to say hello and gave me an opportunity to chat about my two favorite subjects–family and farming.

Two and Avril divided their time with Bpa (Cambodian for daddy) at the Immigrant and Minority Farmers Conference and grandma and grandpa who thankfully stepped in to give the children a little break from too much sitting still.

The whole family came out for the afternoon to enjoy the great things the fair had to offer–notably the children’s area.

Hard getting him to stay still long enough for a picture.

Face painting is so much fun!

The goal of the day was to share what we are doing to make this world a green, better place and that as citizens we can live Smarter. I am so thankful they included us in the day! And thanks especially to grandma and grandpa.

Personal Improvement–a pesky thing

“Like plants if we are not growing we are dying.” Ellen G. White paraphrased

Since first reading this it has become my motto. I try to remember it when new and challenging circumstances are presented to me. My not so new but challenging circumstance this week is a teething baby while in the midst of multiple development stages including but not limited to learning to talk and walk. My youngest darling has been clinging to me to such a degree that the only way I am making it through the day is getting out the old baby carriers which hadn’t been used much since she reached her independent stage.

Nights have been really difficult. Add to that a crazy schedule with 1 conference and 1 fair this week and 2 stories for the newspaper I write for a deadline for the next paper and you get the picture.

Oh then there is grocery shopping and keeping the house in order. Last night about 7:00 I was finally ready to crash. All I wanted was to veg out in front of the TV. But then I had a gentle prodding, this is the time I set aside to turn off the TV and spend the evening with the children winding down. It was the last thing I wanted to do. But if I am going to make raising children my priority then it needs to be just that even if it is not convenient.

So off went the TV. We had dinner and a bath, then what to do in the last hour before I had to pick up Proeun? A game? Yes that’s it. I am not so good at this area but I remember “hot potato” and figured it was one we could all play. Then Two wanted to play bowling, but what to use for pins. Then I remembered plastic cups we had downstaitrs and we bowled. Then the cups became soldiers in a line and something to balance on your head.

Or not.

Mavis’s favorite was stacking the cups up, not a popular activity with her brother and sister but what can you do?

Then Two said we need a needle and string. It was great to see him coming up with ideas but we were out of time unfortunately.

In the end it was a wonderful evening and totally worth it getting out of my comfort zone and stretching myself a bit.

Pesto

On days like today when the baby has kept me up all night I am so thankful for all the healthy food I “put by” last fall. Lunch is a cinch with bags of frozen Pesto around. I can even enlist Proeun’s help. While I try to recover the Pesto thaws and then it is as simple as cooking pasta. Here’s how we did it.

Pesto

small handful walnuts
2-3 garlic cloves
1 cups or 2 handfuls fresh basil leaves
1/4 cup olive oil
dash of salt

blend walnuts and garlic together to make course grind. Add basil leaves. Remove center piece from blender lid or leave lid off and slowly drizzle in olive oil to make smooth paste. Stir in salt to taste.

Originally I had more solid numbers I was working with but when you are trying to preserve several plants worth of pesto in a afternoon measurements just slow you down. I would make a batch, put it in quart size freezer bags and move on to the next one. Since they were all the same thing I didn’t even take the time to wash the blender in between. Working this way you can put away about 5 batches in less then half hour. That’s a lot of meals for the winter. Just make sure to seal the bags as soon as you add the pesto as it tends to discolor quickly. Freeze right away.

My only problem is I love to eat my pesto with a thick slice of fresh tomato on the top. I haven’t had a fresh tomato in such a long time.

So sleepy!

Mavis is now up to 8 teeth and walking around the house like a champ. Her personality is really coming out now to. It is amazing to see the way she interacts with her siblings. But all these developmental milestones don’t come without the price of sleepless nights.

I have been meaning to make an effort to get to bed early. I have read in several sources that a good morning starts with a good night the night before and that you really need to go to bed early enough to wake up when you want to to accomplish you tasks. I wasn’t doing that. I was blaming staying up late on the children not sleeping early and Proeun geting home late and anything but me.

Yesterday at nap time I was exhausted. I had had another late night, slept in in the morning and scrambled to get my morning tasks down. Lunch was late we were rushing and yelling at the children to get ready trying to take Proeun to work on time and then it was nap time, finally some relief. Only the children weren’t ready and I lost it. Yes an adult sized temper tantrum complete with yelling and stomping around the house and pouting.

Then I decided this couldn’t go on. Proeun’s schedule is what it is. He may be a night person but I am not and I cannot be the mom I want to be without sleep. So I decided we needed to be proactive. Here and the steps I decided on.

1. Turn off the TV no later then 7:00. Have dinner with the children. Then bath and story BEFORE picking up Proeun around 9:00.
2. When Proeun gets home have some concentrated family time for 15-30 minutes.
3. Children to bed by 9:30.
4. An hour of wind down time with Proeun and bed for me no later then 11:00.

Last night we tried it. I explained to the children why we were changing things up and asked for their help. They did wonderfully and were very cooperative. Proeun was supportive and agreed to no TV while we were having our wind down time. And I was in bed by 11:00. I was still up a lot last night but I actually felt rested this morning when we woke up. We had family worship and went over the schedule for the day before the TV came on. I hope this success continues but for now I am encouraged.

My Valentines

Proeun and I developed a tradition early on in our marriage. Being young, in love, broke and with young children we decided to keep our celebrations to the house. We both love to cook and so for Valentines we plan an extra special meal and cook together at home. This year we tried to involve the children more, letting them know that they are important to us even on Valentines day. So this year’s meal was lasagna, chocolate chip cookies and grape juice in wine glasses. The children helped with the cookies as we experimented trying to make heart shape cookies (some of them turned out).

Then we set the table extra special with a real tablecloth, candles and the nice plates.

The grape juice “wine” was a hit.

At church one of the ladies was telling the children’s story talking about how the men had better do something nice for their wives or otherwise the women would be upset. We are the odd ones who love spending time with our children. After dinner it was bathtime and a movie and then an early bed for the children. We were all together celebrating. My dad was always really good at making me feel loved. Every year he would buy me and my sister Valentine’s cards in addition to our mother. Some years we even had flowers. Knowing that you are loved and appreciated by your parents in such a gift and we hope to pass that on to our children.

It always pains me when I hear marriage counselors telling couples that they need something to share outside of the children. i can understand the reasoning that when the children leave the home the parents will not have anything to relate to if they are not working on their relationship all along. But for us we have a vision and a dream for our family. The children are an integral part of that, the strengthen us, educate us and challenge us to be better people. When they started families of their own I hope they will allow themselves to be changed by children.  At least they will have a good foundation of love and appreciation.

Our children are an extension of our love for each other and by showing love to our children and nurturing them together we are engaging in probably the most important work together. Doing a great work together is wonderful way to strengthen a marriage.

Maybe I don’t know what I am talking.