A week ago Tuesday Mavis and Avril came down with a cold. It didn’t seem to affect them too much except that they would get stuffed up at night and get woken up when they couldn’t breathe. Unfortunately they didn’t wake up at the same time. Each of them was up 4-5 times during the night–which meant I was up 8-10 times. This happened for 2 nights. Then it was Thanksgiving. I thought about keeping the girls home but decided that would be too disappointed. So we went and had a great time.

Friday Two got sick with the flu and spent the evening throwing up. The next day he seemed greatly improved and I was hoping that illness was on it’s way out. Then Proeun got sick with aches and pains and general fatigue. We spent Saturday and Sunday in the home. Sunday Avril got the flu and spent the evening throwing up. The next day Proeun called in sick and Avril seemed greatly improved. Tuesday Proeun had requested off for an appointment in the afternoon. It was now our 4th day in the home and 7th of sickness.

Tuesday night I got the flu and spent the evening throwing up, the next day I was greatly improved. So now several illnesses have made their way through the family. We have had a good long time at home to recoup. I had gone to a parenting meeting once and there was a mother there who was a nurse. Another mother said to her, “I suppose when the kids get sick your husband makes you stay home since you are in the medical profession?” The other mom said something about sharing the duties. I thought about how grateful I am that I am home with my children every day–especially when they are sick. As an adult I still want my mommy when I am sick.

The Lord is gradually leading me towards the idea that service is the greatest duty and most rewarding aspect in life. When you think about the most fulfilled people you know I am sure you will see a steady diet of unselfish service. Though I am tired of being in the home and exhausted from being sick and frustrated that once again the TV has ruled to house, I am happy I could be here for my kids. When I got sick some of that service I gave them rubbed off as they showed genuine concern and helpfulness for their poor ailing mother.

As parents it is helpful to stay one step ahead of the kids. However I am discovering that already this is getting harder and harder. Already both Two and Avril have become adept at using their reasoning to argue their case. Two being older is a little more skilled a that. For example, we have been having problems with Two getting up early in the morning. This gets the animals all wild which generally wakes up the other 2 and the day begins. We have talked to Two about this and told him he can’t be getting up so early. So last night I had put the kids to bed and was working in the living room when Two reappears and says, “I think I know why I have been getting up so early–because I go to bed too early. I think I better stay up and watch a movie.”

Until college I never considered myself a writer. In fact it wasn’t until about 2 years on the job as a freelance writer for a local ethnic paper that I really considered myself a writer. I have had some poems published and have some notariety in this area. At one point my dream life was moving to a foreign country, living there for several years, then writing a travel guide about the area and using that to fund the next move and couple of years. I saw myself working in publishing and being a great writer. I was working at a bookstore at the time and dreaming of having a book on the New York Times best seller list. This was before having children.

Shortly before I found out I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I decided I would quit my full time job and try to make a go of the writing thing. Not to write travel novels and guides but magazine articles with a focus on food. Within the month I was pregnant. I still held on to this dream, until my 2nd child. Then I realized it was probably going to be really difficult to write anything significant with 2 little children.

Then my 3rd child came along and my dream changed. Instead of the writing life I wanted to devote my time to mothering my 3 blessings and pray that more would come. Oddly enough for 7 years–since my senior year in college–I had been writing for a local paper. At first it was just 2 or 3 articles every couple weeks and since I had to come up with my own stories I didn’t think that I would ever be able to increase to make it a steady income. But while my dream was changing God was fulfilling all my dreams. Now I can say I am a full time mom and part time writer and make a good part time income while working out of the house. If I do have a story I have to go to it is normally for a short period of time and I can arrange it around my husband’s, mother or mother-in-law’s schedule. I even bring the children with my on occasion.

Avril is my own little writer. She has an intense interest in letters and writing. When she was a little over 2 years old she would ask me for a little, “journal” and pen and would write. She understood how you would start at the left and go to the right and would right on lines.

Now I am working on my own blog, though I still have to work on consistency I am having a blast.

The last month has been really intense for us all. Financially we have been going through alot of changes, but it is the seasonal changes that have really thrown us for a loop. Saturday daylight savings time ended. Now we face nearly 4 hours of darkness before bedtime. The weather has been colder and it has been much less comfortable to spend time out of doors, though we certainly have plenty to do. Through frequent visits to the cousins’ houses Two has developed a fondness for computer games that has grown to a near obsession.

So we are facing long, cold days indoors with both the TV and computer to tempt the attentions of my son. Also I am nearly exhausted from the previous month which comes at the end of a very intense year. Through it all I am struggling to keep the family on a path to betterment. While there are certainly some valuable shows on TV and some good games I am trying to impress upon the children the need for balance. Once last fall I was talking Mavis to the chiropractor. They had free cookies in the lobby. Two had one before the appointment, one on the way back to the room and one on the way home. He told me about half way through the 3rd one, “you shouldn’t have let me have so many cookies, my tummy hurts.” I try to explain that TV and computers are like cookies, too much makes you sick, but it is harder for them to feel the effects.

Luckily Two has now transitioned to an interest in chapter books, so I am actually enjoying the stories as well. Last night we went to bed and read for an hour before bed. Normally that time would be spent watching TV.

So I keep striving to maximize not only my time but alos that of the children. To bring our family together, through time well spent and meaningful interactions. These long winter evenings can be used for good or ill. So far it is no looking good but I am hoping to make a difference.

When I was younger I took gymnastics. It didn’t come easily for me and I soon lost interest. The balance beam was particularly hard for me. Now as a mother of 3 little ones I find balancing hasn’t gotten any easier. I have these grand ideas of the life I would like our family to live. A simple life is at the top of my list. But simple isn’t turning out to be that simple.

This year we began a new adventure as a family–farming. It has taken much more time then we originally had anticipated. But it has also been more rewarding. I remember the time when I was writing but couldn’t bring myself to say, “I am a writer.” This summer we made the transition from farming to farmers. Even though the change is mostly in our head it is significant. The change coincided roughly with the harvest time. When we went from growing food to producing food.

It has been such a busy time. We are trying to figure out how to estimate how much our field will produce and how much we have time to harvest. It has been a continual balancing act trying to push limits of our field, markets and ability. Added to that I have been trying to process our extra tomatoes and put a little something extra by for winter. Plus I have continued my other part time job as writer. The season is short and soon tomatoes will be done as well as our money making opportunity (little that it is).

If it sounds like I have too much on my plate you would be right. Yes we spend the day together farming and taking care of the house, but I have definitely not been the mother I want to be. This year Two turned 5; this means Kindergarten. We are planning to homeschool but so far our lessons remain agriculturally focused. Next week we are going to try out a 4H club.

But every day I find it harder and harder to keep my focus. I get worn down by all the business, wondering what could possibly be cut out and then cut it out only to find the next day I need more balance. So far I have found the only thing I cannot afford to sacrifice is the children, while I know that logically I realize they have borne the brunt of my frustrations. When it gets to the end of the day and I accomplished a lot but the children watched TV all day what did I really accomplish? I have decided I ( and the children) need frequent recentering days. This is one of them. Striving for a simple life is not easy.

Tomatoes are finally ripe and most mornings find us at the farm harvesting tomatoes. Then back home for a quick bite to eat and shower before dropping Proeun off at work. After nap time time to can said tomatoes. Yes this year I learned to can. All year I was collecting jars and I finally bought a canner. Now our basement shelves are steadily filling with not only tomatoes but apricots, pears, peaches, nectarines, rhubarb sauce, pickled green beans and apple sauce. Today I was canning pears and apple sauce. Hourly wages definitely don’t apply here.  But it is such a sense of accomplishment. I’ll write more soon.    

Home Again! The past 10 days we have been visiting family in California. The excuse for the visit was a wedding. We now know that from here on out we will have to be careful when we plan vacations. Luckily this year odd weather has pushed the harvest dates back but still after 10 days even our backyard garden looks a little neglected. On the plus side upon return I had plenty of vegetables to harvest for dinner. We had carefully cleaned out our frig before we left and really had nothing for dinner–until I walked to the garden. I harvested an eggplant and cucumber. So we had eggplant parmesan with some spaghetti and sauce from the pantry and sliced cucumber.

Our chicken coop also needed some attention. It had rained the previous day so the layers of manure and straw were wet and easy to shovel. If I waited a couple days it would turn to cement. For 10 days I had been visiting with family, eating and sight seeing with very little exercise so I actually enjoyed shoveling out the poo. The kids both grabbed their shovels and ran to help. Two said, “I want to help because that is what farmers do.” it made me very appreciative of a simple life, tending children, gardens and animals.

Proeun and his friend Van (from the 3rd grade) were talking about how some times they would love to just be kids again with no cares or pressing demands, but me I love where I am at. I love the raising children and providing for them, growing food for our family and preparing it and learning how to care for animals. Many people depend on me, even as I depend on Proeun, and that gives my life meaning. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

This weekend we went fishing. We spent the whole day just relaxing by the river. When it was time to go home I went back to the car to load up. It seemed like it was taking forever for the others to come then finally Two comes out of the woods carrying a bouquet of wild flowers he and Proeun had picked for me. It was such a nice surprise.

Then today we were at the farm weeding. Some the weeds were actually pretty nice looking flowers. So Two says, ” Avril I am picking you flowers.”
 
She said, “Thank-you.” A little while later and after some thought she asked, “Two, are you my wife?”

“No!” was the quick reply. And he stopped picking flowers.

Avril said, “Aren’t you going to pick me any more flowers?” He said “no” again and she asked, “What kind of man are you?”

“I’m a farmer,” was the confident answer.

“Daddy will you pick me some flowers?” Of course the answer was yes. Once she had the bouquet in her hands she said, “Daddy can I get married with these?”

“No.”

A few days ago I had a dream that President Obama asked me to be Secretary of State. This came at a time when I was feeling disheartened by the cost and logistics of purchasing land. Even purchasing on Contract for Deed or Rent To Own seemed beyond our financial abilities. Knowing that one day I would want to live in the country, have a lot of animals and room I was feeling like my dream could never be a reality–at least not while the children were young enough to grow up on a farm.

That night I had a dream. President Obama asked me to be Secretary of State. I was so excited. I was to be his right hand and travel and be very influential. My parents were happy and proud as were my in-laws. Then I thought about my children. The long hours they would be without their mother and the exhaustion. I imagined them growing up without me. I thought about my farm. And I turned the President down.

I think sometimes the Lord send us dreams to warn us of a wrong path (I have had these dreams before) but also at times he encourages us. I felt this dream was meant to be an encouragement that the work I am doing as a mother, including our lifestyle as farmers with a focus on sustainable and simple living was vastly important. Even an appointment from the President couldn’t replace the work the Lord appointed for me. I believe that the Lord has our best interests at heart and that he will guide us and bring us to where we should be at the right time. The dream was definitely an encouragement.

This weekend was the Chisago County Fair. I discovered the fun of county fairs a few years ago when doing an assignment for a local newspaper. They have most of the variety of animals you would see at the state fair, a lot of the food and are way cheaper to get into. The Chisago County Fair is free gate admission but you pay $2 to park so load up the car. You don’t have to worry about the wall to wall people at the state fair. Last year when we went to the state fair it was really nerve racking with the 2 little kids running around. The “Miracle of Birth” center was especially hard. Two has a real affinity for animals. His favorite is not surprisingly baby animals. At the “Miracle of Birth” center there were baby animals galore and he was running around like crazy trying to see and touch them all completely oblivious to the crowds or the fact that we were trying to keep up with him.

Friday we made a special effort to go to the Chisago county fair since I knew how much he would like it. I also wanted to do some research about land for rent and possibly moving up to Chisago county. I wasn’t prepared for what a great atmosphere it was. Most people knew each other. When standing in line to buy mini donuts I saw a man surprise his neighbor with a bag just to be nice.

In the animal barns I saw two teenage girls reclining against their cow laughing and talking. I wanted to take a picture of them but I was afraid to disturb them. Most of the animals are brought to the fair by children and young people through 4H. They are open and friendly and proud o their animals. The children were invited right up to baby cows, showed chickens and rabbits from their pens and they could stay with an animal as long as they wanted. 

We went through the animal buildings twice, talked with lots of people and found out about some possibilities to rent land. There were many tears on the way home though I explained we had to go pick up Bpa (daddy). Two said with tears streaming down his face, “I don’t want to go back to the city!”