When I was younger I took gymnastics. It didn’t come easily for me and I soon lost interest. The balance beam was particularly hard for me. Now as a mother of 3 little ones I find balancing hasn’t gotten any easier. I have these grand ideas of the life I would like our family to live. A simple life is at the top of my list. But simple isn’t turning out to be that simple.
This year we began a new adventure as a family–farming. It has taken much more time then we originally had anticipated. But it has also been more rewarding. I remember the time when I was writing but couldn’t bring myself to say, “I am a writer.” This summer we made the transition from farming to farmers. Even though the change is mostly in our head it is significant. The change coincided roughly with the harvest time. When we went from growing food to producing food.
It has been such a busy time. We are trying to figure out how to estimate how much our field will produce and how much we have time to harvest. It has been a continual balancing act trying to push limits of our field, markets and ability. Added to that I have been trying to process our extra tomatoes and put a little something extra by for winter. Plus I have continued my other part time job as writer. The season is short and soon tomatoes will be done as well as our money making opportunity (little that it is).
If it sounds like I have too much on my plate you would be right. Yes we spend the day together farming and taking care of the house, but I have definitely not been the mother I want to be. This year Two turned 5; this means Kindergarten. We are planning to homeschool but so far our lessons remain agriculturally focused. Next week we are going to try out a 4H club.
But every day I find it harder and harder to keep my focus. I get worn down by all the business, wondering what could possibly be cut out and then cut it out only to find the next day I need more balance. So far I have found the only thing I cannot afford to sacrifice is the children, while I know that logically I realize they have borne the brunt of my frustrations. When it gets to the end of the day and I accomplished a lot but the children watched TV all day what did I really accomplish? I have decided I ( and the children) need frequent recentering days. This is one of them. Striving for a simple life is not easy.