I have not been very active on the blog this year. Some of you may have figured out the reason–we have been preparing for a new addition to the farm, a new human addition. And for some reason this time around it just all seemed like such a rush. I was desperate to figure out systems and get things set up around the farm to make our work easier before baby number 6 arrived. I hadn’t realized what a frenzy of anxiety I had worked myself into until she was born this last month. There was the initial craziness of mom in the hospital (we decided against a homebirth this time) and dad and children trying to take care of everything around the farm. Then we came home to a wonderful welcome home party, clean house and children all anxious to hold their new sibling. But the initial craziness soon subsided and we found a routine and since it is winter a bit slower pace.
I found a new rhythm and stride and a weight lifted off my shoulders. Normally I love being pregnant but this time around not so much. Now I am free to enjoy our newborn and feeling much healthier then I have before. Hopefully that will translate to more energy for writing and farming as the new season approaches.
But I have discovered that each child gives me valuable insights and lessons as I grow to become the person I was meant to be. This child is no different. Whereas my first child started me on this journey and that I should expect the unexpected, my 2nd child taught me how much work I had to do on character and that for sure if you have a character flaw your child will get it. My 3rd child taught me the beauty of life and letting go my ideas of the perfect sized family, my fourth taught me what a blessing health is and that it should be guarded. My 5th and 1st child born in our new life on the farm challenged me to set up ways to make work easier and this last child has taught me how futile worry is.
Last year was not a particularly good year for us. The wacky weather continued and seemed worse than usual. The CSA market was flooded and our membership was way down, so we had to look for other income streams and could not hire help like we had previously and I was pregnant, worried about how we would continue, my health, the baby’s health and a multitude of other things. I worried about having a homebirth, then I worried about having a hospital birth. There really wasn’t much I didn’t worry about, but in the end I have a beautiful perfect baby in my arms and both our health is preserved and the Lord provided through last year. Surely I didn’t need to worry. Now I am relaxing in a feeling of contentment. I am still planning and dreaming, but trying to let go if things do not go as planned. I am thankful for Lith and the lessons she has brought as I am thankful for all the other children. I am so thankful for this life, though it is hard at times. Many of the choices we have made are not the popular choice, but they are ours and we continue to grow as individuals and a family.