Category Archives: Family Life

Sometimes just doing life together is the best way to learn. Here are ways to incorporate learning into your family life.

Of Simplicity and Busyness

Slowly almost imperceptibly busyness has crept back into our lives. With the busyness I have felt my passion for the moment slipping. My mind always wandered to the next task or tasks I hadn’t yet had time to finish. Writing deadlines loomed, weeds were making steady encroachments, plants needed attention, food needed to be prepared, the house cleaned, the dog walked, the list goes on. I was marching through my days with a goal of getting done and not enjoying the moment.

Saturday night I had a rare opportunity to reflect uninterrupted. Due to a busy day the children had not napped and were in bed early. Proeun had gone to his brother’s house to watch a game on TV and I was alone. Just that day I had received the newsletter from Empowered Living ministries. The main article was about happiness and contentment whatever your lot in life. At last year’s farm conference one of the instructors quoted Gandi saying that “Prosperity begins with contentment.” I don’t know if you noticed but busyness in addition to being a series of physical activities is also a state of mind that doesn’t mesh well with contentment. It is possible to have many things to do yet not feel busy.

Jim Hohnberger, founder of Empowered Living Ministries, shared the secret–make your goal for the day staying close to Jesus and focusing on character development rather then accomplishing a list of tasks.

Sunday there was much work to do at the farm. Proeun and I went with a list, separate lists with separate ideas of priorities. It didn’t go well until we changed the way we worked. Rather then doing separate jobs to maximize productivity we worked together closely and combined efforts on one task. We then realized we were actually multi-tasking, we were having quality time together and working, plus it was easier for us to manage the children in this way.

We decided to make dinner a special event. It took longer to prepare and was more complicated then a normal dinner but so much more enjoyable. And there are enough leftovers I don’t have to cook today. After dinner we went outside. The weather was beautiful. We put the kids in the 2nd hand Burley (bike stroller) we got for free and had a nice leisurely walk. I even got to hold my husband’s arm as we walked. When we returned the kids played in the sprinkler and we gardened. It wasn’t a task that needed to be done but an enjoyable moment. In our home garden we have many volunteer plants including about 5-6 tomatoes. We are anxious to see what variety they are and we are using techniques we learned on the farm to promote their health. After awhile we just sat and talked in the cool of the evening. Occasionally we pushed the kids on the swing or saw a weed to pull or a plant to prune but in that moment busyness melted away and contentment reigned. I am learning it doesn’t take much to be contented, it just takes a mind attentive to the moment.

A Celebration of Family

Over 30 years ago my husband was born in a 3 sided hut on a mountainside in Cambodia. At the time a war raged. He was the 3rd child born to his parents. The 2nd child, a girl, died before she turned a year old. My father-in-law had to burry his infant daughter. He still says it was the hardest thing he ever did. When Proeun was born his father was in a prisoner of war camp. It would be 6 months before he saw his son. The night of the first meeting was also the night the village left their mountain in Cambodia. A family member bribed the prison guards to allow my father-in-law and 2 other men to come home for the evening. They came home and the village left. If anyone had stayed they would have been killed when the “escape” was discovered.

They would never return to the life they loved. They hunted and fished and gathered. They grew some crops. Wove mats to trade over the border in Thailand and had a few animals. I have heard stories of amazing hunting dogs that saved the village from starvation and wild cats to be feared. When they crossed the border they didn’t know that they would never return. Some could argue that this way of life ended when the war began but now they were physically leaving their home.

One hundred and 27 people left. Seven did not make it. It was a harrowing journey. The dogs couldn’t come because they would draw attention to the group and had to be killed so they wouldn’t follow. Family members saw relatives step on mines in front of them. Crying children where an especial danger. An older cousin caused a particular problem. It crossed her father’s mind that she may have to be left to protect the others. He didn’t, but just to even have to think that is enough to make me shudder.

Fast forward 30 some years. This week was a special week for my father-in- law. He passed his citizenship test and retired. Somehow the years have not separated these families. Though they came to this country at different times and were sent to different locations they have continually worked to be near each other again. On Saturday we held a celebration for my father. It wasn’t in a 3 sided hut on the side of a mountain in Cambodia. But it did have a freshly killed and roast pig with all the fixings. Family sat on the floor and ate from a communal bowl. The young people served the old, there were plenty of children running around and the stories flowed freely. There was much laughing and eating and everyone was filled in more ways then one. It was a wonderful evening. it made me sad. When this generation passes who will continue the traditions? I honestly don’t know if we are up to the challenge but that is a huge part of the journey we have chosen. The mountainside in Cambodia is now a casino. That home is gone, but can we recreate something like it? By growing our own food, being as self-sufficient as possible and drawing family to us perhaps so.

Photo Album of recent camping trip

We just got back from a great camping trip up north. Here is a small sampling of our photo album.

Mavis and Bpa (Cambodian for Daddy) as he rests.

Two and grandpa working with the tractor.

Naomi, Matthew, Two and Avril use their imagination.

Matthew and Bella, the cat we found while camping. It lives with grandma and grandpa now.

Two with a catfish his uncle caught.

The Best Party Ever

When my sister told her soon to be in-laws that she intended to invite every family from the daycare she works at they were dubious to say the least. Here in America formal celebrations are often relegated to the world of adults, children to the world of babysitters, but this was not what Beth wanted. She wanted the people who know who best and who she enjoys spending time with there to celebrate with her. This meant lots of children. The guests numbered just under 100 with 20 children under the age of 5.

The ceremony was “short and sweet” as Beth put it. She and her husband wrote their own vows. The official part of the ceremony lasted just under 15 minutes. Then everyone was invited to get drinks and share memories of the happy couple. Even the children got to do this which meant they got to use a microphone while everyone listened to them.

The dinner came next. A buffet had been planned and since the group was relatively small the line moved fast. There was plenty of fruit and a punch fountain. No cranky, hungry children here.

After dinne the real fun began. Tables were moved revealing the dance floor. At other weddings we have been to it has been a struggle to keep the children off the floor so the adults can dance. Normally they don’t or least not enough to fill the floor. This time the children made room for the adults and danced the night away. At least until 7:00.

That night when we had our evening prayers I was praying for the usual, thanks for our family and a good day, Avril said, “thanks for the best party ever!”

Beth with one of her day care children.

Two and Avril dancing

Is it worth it?!

This has been a hard weekend for me. For the past 4 days I have not been home a significant portion of the day and the week before that I had at least one thing going on every day. Slowly the children’s schedule have been getting more and more off until chaos seemed to rule their actions. In the midst of it all I was still trying to cook our own food mostly from scratch, maintain a household, including laundry for 3 children under five that has to be hung outside on the line and learn the ins and outs of farming. Part of the problem was a plethora of family committments (its graduation season after all) and work at my other part time job as a writer.

Monday was supposed to be a holiday, instead we worked on the farm and fixed our car. By the end of the day there was no energy for anything. The kids wanted to go for a bike ride. We don’t do that very often since having both parents present is a must in our busy neighborhood. I knew the dog hadn’t been walked for at least 4 days and I couldn’t really remember when. So we thought OK, only to discover one tire on Two’s bike was flat and wouldn’t hold any air we were trying to put in it (a burst inner tube perhaps?). Ugh is my new favorite word, or something like that. Vegging out seemed the only solution, but the kids wanted to play baseball and swing and there were plants to be watered and animals to be fed.

I found myself thinking is this worth it? What exactly are we trying to accomplish. Our family by definition seems to avoid definitions. Conservative hippies maybe. Tree huggers that hunt. Homesteaders that live in the city. Who knows what we are really, just a mixture of ideas and identities that make us a family. I do know that we are beginning to really crave self-reliance. Proeun can fix cars and build things out of scratch, even come up with interesting solutions to problems he calls, “going MacGuyver.” I can make food from scratch, clothes from scratch and have my babies at home. We are trying as a family to reduce our waste through reusing, composting and sharing our food with our animals. This weekend we were at my aunt’s house. Two tasted a grape he didn’t like and asked aunt Janice if he could give it to the animals. “We don’t have any animals,” she said. “What about the ants?” he said. Anyway I digress.

So what is the value of taking things slow, doing things as a family, like work, knowing that we are working towards a more sustainable future and raising children who will view this as the norm. In the end I had to admit, it is worth it and here’s why

But you will each have your own reasons.

Cross Cultural Eating

When you are a bi-cultural family there are some things that are definitely a challenge. Proeun and I decided early on that we would do our best to maintain elements of both cultures, thus giving the children a strong sense of who they are and both their backgrounds. We knew the value of food to convey a cultural identity and so try to eat food from both our cultures frequently (and a few others for variety).

I started cooking Cambodian food when we were first dating. Our first official family meal at my house involved my mother and I going on-line to select Cambodian dishes and cook them for my betrothed (we only “dated” for 10 days before Proeun asked me to marry him). He still laughs at our attempts. Since then I have been learning many traditional meals and the children really seem to enjoy them. Though I try to eat a Kosher diet we decided that the children could eat what their father eats. This includes bone marrow, tripe and many other things.

On our honeymoon to Hawaii we met an elderly Hawaiian man. Proeun had easily been fitting in wherever we went. I was the one that stuck out. Hawaii is very multi-cultural with some families coming from 5 or more traditions. Their family meals helped inspire fushion food. This well meaning man was concerned about Proeun and asked me if I cooked Cambodian food. I said yes, then he looked at Proeun to make sure. Proeun affirmed me.

Even with all this good eating going on there are times when I get really excited about a meal–which generally means my family is not. Tonight I made homemade whole wheat bread (which I cut thick), mashed potatoes, gravy and left over roast which had been cooked slowly with onions and spices and then shredded. I remember my grandmother talking wistfully about open face roast beef sandwiches smothered in gravy. Take a thick slice of bread, big scoop of mashed potatoes, roast beef and rich gravy. I sliced cucumbers and put them in salt water and had watermelon for dessert. I eagerly waited for dinner. Then dinner came and no one ate. I was so disappointed. As we start our new life I am eagerly anticipating good fresh food to use in all our cuisine. However the problem will be getting my children to eat. 

Child Sized Tools

 

This is our first year farming on a larger scale. While we are growing tomatoes for whole sale the majority of our crops will go right to our own table, larder or family and friends. We chose to take a year to build our farm slowly; familiarizing ourselves with the variety of crops available and the special techniques each need as well as the farming lifestyle. With 3 children under 5 we knew that there would be some unique challenges to our situation. However we intend this to be a family lifestyle as well as business—an opportunity for us to grow together as we grow our own food. To help us in our goals we chose to invest in some child sized tools. Real tools, made of metal and wood but sized for children. We also bought a child sized wheel barrel.

 

Last night was the first night we broke them out. We are improving and moving our compost pile and cleaning up some winter damage. At first the children were demanding to be pushed in the swing or play baseball. But then the tools came out. Two grabbed a shovel, Avril a rake and went right to work. While Avril lost interest after about 8 minutes Two stuck with it, helping us dig up and haul left over plants from last year.

 

Proeun said, “let’s see how long this lasts,” but he actually lasted longer then me, well  Mavis. After about a half hour Mavis was ready to go inside. I said I was going in with her. Two said, “You go inside, the boys are going to stay out and work.”


 
Two working on our compost pile.

Mavis, Two and Avril in our backyard.

Peace Stealers

Peace is perhaps the most sought after commodity in the world. It is the most priceless and yet the most devalued. People on a daily basis make decisions to give up their peace. One common route is through the pursuit of worldly possessions. By choosing to spend our time pursuing the things the world offers rather then the eternal profit of good character, relationships and eternal life the daily choices wear and wear away at you.

 

Before we made the commitment to live debt free we tried to buy our financial freedom through business and our own efforts. We invested a great deal of borrowed money in a business venture that seemed a for sure thing. We hadn’t evaluated the business from a biblical standpoint or asked God’s guidance. Instead we followed the crowd.

 

We convinced ourselves we were attempting it for different reasons. We wanted desperately to be able to live off of one income, thus allowing me (Amy) to focus on my real job of raising and educating our children. We also didn’t want Proeun to have to work the massive amounts of overtime he had been doing to make that happen. After nearly a year of working 10 hour days 7 days a week we desperately wanted a change. We hadn’t taken out any new debt since our marriage, other then a mortgage. Paying off our debt was still years away however.

 

We bought 2 houses to fix up and sell. Suddenly we had quadrupled our debt. We used credit to fix the houses and were certain they would sell quickly. They didn’t, and then the market collapsed. When we were finally able to sell one house it was for less then we owed on it. Suddenly we learned new lingo like, “short sale.”

 

Now we find ourselves working just to keep afloat. We are still attempting to buy more and more time together, as well as pay off our debts. As our family grows it becomes more and more apparent that more time then money is needed to raise children well.

 

The question is how do we handle this problem in a biblical way? Do we make paying the debt the number one priority while our young children languish in neglect? Do we totally ignore our debts? We know this is not biblical but how do we find a balance while starting a new business to support our family. This time we will take it slow, refuse to use credit and allow the Lord to lead.

 

Choosing to make the right decisions now, does not save us from the consequences of poor decisions in the past. Our families have even suffered from our decisions. Our good name has been tarnished. My sister’s in-laws have even received calls from creditors claiming that we used them as cosigners. Of course we had not but they totally believed the creditors and not us.

 

So now we move on, leaning on the Lord, trusting him to protect us and our reputation while profiting our farm and the simple life. Proeun has said, “nothing is ever simple.” That may be true but I hope that through the Lord’s guidance and now using his word as our guide we can continue to repair our past mistakes. Perhaps this is a test, an exercise to help us build our peace muscles. Only by gripping the Lord as tightly as we can will we truly have peace.

 

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NKJV